pantastik huwebes

talagang ginamit ko ang pagluwas para makita ang aking friends from the feast.

sobrang fun

eating is definitely part of heaven

no need to worry about your figure, health or calories - just the savoring of your favorite eat.

like that scene in "the sweetest thing" where cameron dreamt of ice cream less the calories!

nice to see you, friend

what i love about commuting is seeing friends - what a nice surprise!

see you again, joel - hugg

christmas countdown

40 (39) days to go before christmas and it hit me - with the rate i'm going i cannot possibly prepare for the expenses that goes with the holidays. i give up - i am now just cruising, going along with what surprises the days might present to me.

thinking of ways to be more thankful (and contented).

dedicating each pre-xmas day to a person in my life

last day @ solar

i lied

sobrang toxic ung feeling sa office, sorry ndi ko na kinaya na mag-extend until the end of july

disclaimer

the recurrence

i am a stress eater (dati)

pero now that i experienced how huge the monsters are and how they feed on my stress when i don't confront them - it was distrubing.

now, even tho i feel them - i just think of ways how to triumph over this situation

no more wallowing, even an is becomming impatient with me

i have decided to do what i love and i have decided that i'll fund it in terms i dictate - wala ng bawian

my imaginary friend

i didn't have anything close to that when i was a kid but i can say that my relationships at present are somewhat like that.

no one sees Him except you
you know he exist even if you have no proof
you are easily discouraged when people tell you "be realistic" or "you should have outgrown this, you should see a doctor"

but has He failed you in occasions you needed your friend the most? He's been there during your first heartache, your first job interview, your first travel abroad. He's been so reliable - why aren't you doubting Him now?

these doubts will go away, don't let it interfere with this wonderful thing you have with Him. afterall, He has told you to pursue your dream and you did, just be patient with the rest - have some faith that all will fall into place.

be genuinely happy for once

people are selfish - they tend to connect things to themselves like

1. congrats - kapag sikat ka na, wag mong kalimutan kunin anak ko ha (or AKO)
2. ano? resigned ka na? pano ung utang mo sa akin (or yun pending incentive computation)?
3. anak, pano na gamot ko?

alam ko na yan eh, hindi ko naman nakalimutan yan

can we just stick to -

CONGRATS MAN, U DESERVE THIS

or

SAYA SAYA SAYA SAYA SAYA

thank u an and tin, love u guys!

i think of 6 impossible things over breakfast

1. deadline for my transcription initially moved to 2 days, now for another 2 days
2. mama tom gladly giving me one of her tapays
3. willingness to extend for another month at solar (final answer)

4. through mom's persistence and friends' prayers, release of caritas check today
5. yesterday's meetings (which i was agitated about last week) being actually easy breezy and all at their "alpha" state, non-resistance mode
6. be at my full potential - earning 1M PHP monthly while doing what i truly love (standing ovations and various awards to my debut play both local and international)

my offer to the church

yung artsy tendencies namin ni tin, i believe we got from lola's side kay mom. kaya si mom marunong mag-bead work, mala-raven baxter si mom na designs and sews her clothes before.

kaya offer ni mom to the church would be sewing the beadwork ng mga damit ng santo.

last project namin as a family was the kumot ng holy sepulcre - tinuruan kami ni mom mag-bead work, kami ni tin

segway - si dad may project din ung mother of perpetual help na lalagyan nya ng stones ung picture, para magka-depth. hayun - walang nanyari dun, haha! sorry naman, kakatawa si dad eh, teady bear (birrrr)

my offer to the church will be different of course, ako gagawa ng plays kapag holy week and christmas, weee lavet!

my thank you letter to my dear cg-mates

dear wednesday group,

remember the time when i first shared what my biggest "what if" in life? i remembered that we were brainstorming on how i'd penetrate the theater industry when i don't have any recent expenriences nor any credentials to back me up. but your faces were so enthused with helping me plan out my career shift. it all started there.

next thing i did was approach bro. george and volunteered for a scriptwriting post. they happily welcomed me and later assigned me some episodes but my demons, that time were too strong for me - i didn't deliver.

but the voices grew stronger, louder that it overthrown the doubts, the thoughts of uncertainty. those voices included the kid in me - telling me that i work wonders when i'm doing what i love.

then i started writing again for my 1st directoral play (writer-slash-director in the hawsssieee) just a few days after that - i bravely resigned with no plans whatsoever (sarap ng feeling, literal na nahugutan ako ng tinik). opportunities started to manifest - i was given a set of episode assignments again for mustard tv then a friend from st. andrew's informed me that we could sell my play script to her friend then jay informed me that he can introduce me to friends who could help me out with the melody of my songs (the play is a musical, btw). AMAZING! PRAISE GOD!

and just last saturday when i watched the shooting of my scripts for mustard, they requested that i direct the next 2 episodes! this is so fast and i'm loving it (LAVET)!!!

and guess what (what?) - by just fulfilling your personal legend, you also bless others to be brave and dream again. my sister lost her fire and she deliberately turned her back from her dream of becoming a monique lhuillier (even when opportunities are right in front of her) but she was inspired to draw when she saw me writing again - she still has it daw (guys, kung ano man yan - it will ALWAYS be there, it will never go. it's part of your system). i can see the enthusiasm when she talks about her runway debut plans for her 21st birthday. MINDBLOWING!

i believe that its never too late to chase your dreams and it's such perfect timing because i know how fame could get into my head before. now, i am just so blessed and i acknowledged completely that without His grace and your prayers, none of this would have happened. i'm such a big talker before but now i'm a big --- actor? (haha)

my biggest challenge now would be doing what i love and at the same time provide for my family temporarily while we haven't sold our house. hey, maybe God really doesn't want us to sell the house, he'll just increase my earning capacity so i can finance for my family's needs entirely! i never know but i am excited - INDEED!

nakakahiya humiling kay Lord kapag pera na usapan noh. and i totally lose finesse kapag natataranta na ako and i need the money asap (sorry for my worry text last week). but sobrang nakakawindang what our group's prayers can do so let us just continue praying for each other's financial woes (and all else in between). "earn my first 1M peysos" nga prayer intention ko before db - let's make it "for each of us to earn his/her 1st 1M before 12/31/2010 (make it "next" 1M if may naka-earn na sa atin ng 1M)" hoy hindi installment basis ha, as in 1M PHP check in your name or in your bank acocunt or COLD CASH! AMEN!

i know sobrang daming blessings nangyari sa group natin, i wish we will continue to be blessed and open with our new cg groups. i still pray for you guys, sobrang naging support group ko kayo sa big bad world of makati, i love you ("kapag tumibok ang puso" on the background).

jay, i can't wait to hear your kwento! make time for us on thursday after the feast ha :)

GROUP HUGGGGGGG

your kumare for life,
maria preciosa (pls lang, sikretong malupeeet yan!)

documentation

i am a visual person

gusto ko may kaakibat na pictures kada entry ko, cameraaaaaaa

getting to know you with joyee

last tuesday, nag-date kami ni co-apprentice joy. hindi pwede si ate mara kasi. nag-starbuko at jupitah then dinnah at chariya, beside my dorm

funnnn

go na talaga yang career shift, i'm really inspiring a lot of people.

yung finances na nga lang - Lord, i trust You, deliver meeeee

crowding

gusto ko isahan, on the bulk - hindi ako comfortable sa installments.

7-day diets instead na total change of eating habits
sa work din - ayaw ko magbigay ng drafts, kelangan perfect na kagad
same goes with payments - kaya lalo naiipon

this should change, i will change

great work

as i was reading mayi's reply e-mail - wow, i can't believe my eyes. my works are always great daw - medyo hindi na ako sanay napupuri. well, i should be - kasi mag-eexcel na naman ako sa field i like.

thank you mayi for the encouragement.

thank you, Lord and please let me believe that i am really great.

i am great

i am great... (letting it sink in)

claire at her 1st photo exhibit

it was the opening of kraft's photo exhibit last night and one of claire's photo was included.

i'm a proud momma

the manang at church

the manang at church who said that i have a bad singing voice and i should transfer to another parish shaked my faith and my willingness to serve at st. andrew.

gulong-gulo na nga tita christie sa akin kasi ndi nya maintindihan which sched i am really comfortable with.

nakwento ko uli today - to ken naman. amazingly, no more reliving the hurt. tita marg has really healed me, she was the last person i made kwento and all out iyak kami.

i finally forgive you, manang. kuna nasan ka man (or baka lumipat ka na ng parish dahil sa akin)

zombie prom (atomic prom)

we watched kuya jay in his debut starring role last night at manansala, rockwell.

it was a musical - and i can tell pareho kami ng humor ni writer like the "jonny without the H," i usually joke around naman with "mheng with an H"

kakabuhay ng dugo

although it got me thinking na more than 5 songs pala dapat kong gawin...

keri!

how to train your dragon

today is K4K run - i was supposed to run in the 3K division with my CG mates but i decided to get there with tin instead of them kasi i wanted to sleep, ang aga kasi ng plans nila.

we amazingly got there at the nick of time, purchased my kit, nagbihis with my tapis and was about to run when my runner's ID number ay with tin pala and she's nowhere to be found and my cell was topak.

i was shouting and throwing a huge tantrum in front of everybody but since i was beside the stage, maingay so my noise was drowned by the activities going around.

when tin finally came back, hay grabe galit ever - away kami sobra.

going back - i hated it so much id wish we never came.

my psychoanalysis: my alter ego will always overpower my darkest hour not unless i have a solid foundation of my self image. palagi na lang ako nang-aaway ng mga tao who loves me - karla ng in HS, yvette in college, an - like forever and since shes not here, my mom and tin.

note to self: do something about my bubble test, it always boils down to that.

i already asked tin's forgiveness

i want to forgive myself too - i forgive you, chot, i love you

mailap na mayon

this was last sunday before we went back to manila.

hinintay talaga namin lumabas si mayon, napagbigyan din kami

i love bicol!

sobrang swerte ng mga bicolanos, any part of bicol - masisilip si mayon. kakalamiog ng ulo

mustard tv's new season

hayan may new assingments na kami, gagawin ko na ito kagad!

i soooo love this day!

thank you!

envious no more

glee goes gaga with lady gaga's bad romance!

idol finalist lee sings beautiful day, sabi naman ni kara kay crystal na may emotional investment daw sya sa kanta (lavet!)

iba na feeling when seeing this people go head on with their heart's passion

wala ng inggit cos i am too

ill have a gagish song in my play too, aLL for the love of costumes, wigs and high heels!

solutions are easy - we make them complicated

i have been unhappy for the longest time. i see my friends get promoted and talk about work with fire in their eyes. kahit ung iba puro reklamo, pero gusto nila the fact that they are needed and valued by their companies. i always cry or feel bad about my life after those get togethers kaya minsan ndi na lang tlga ako nagpapakita.

problem - im chasing the idea of going back to my 1st love and yet not do anything about it. even i tell strangers of this grand dream i have, they are very polite and listen. but people who know me for a long time and those who just knew me for a few minutes have the same thing to say - start chasing it in real life, hindi lang sa utak. dun usually natatapos ung usapan kasi i know what to do for a long time but i don't do it.

this past few days, ang sobrang linaw ng dapat gawin and i am doing it, thank you Lord for giving me the strength, the grace (ehem ate grace) to chase my dreams in real life. no worries as to how this will support me or my family completely, i know now that if i follow my heart, God is always beside my to provide for anything else i would need. Sya yung "cheat" sa online gaming (ndi ako gamer)


today, i decided that i will resign and oh what an incredible high i feel right now.

i have my mojo back na kasi and i tell myself that nothing can control me anymore, but apparantly my boss still has a hold on me - i decided na tanggalin ang tanikala.

last company ko kasi - i was decided to go out na after 2-3 years ata pero my family said NO, kaya hayun nagkalat tuloy ako dun before i left. so bago manyari un dito - ill save some dignity for myself and not burn (*totally) the bridge

high school pix posted in facebook

hilarious mga hitsura namin nung HS, hay grabe...

ideas for the 2 parts of the play - completed

i never would have thought that i'd go back to handwrite anything (except sign my name in limited occasions)

for 2 days now, i'm scribbling the parts of my play. i already have the last 2 parts complete, funny i'm working backwards.

the universe conspires when you follow your personal legend - indeed, it does...i just got an overwhelming text from dad, all will be OK

soon i'll be able to make tutok my play plans 24/7 - never had i been sooo excited in my entire life.

may 23 - my first step

i have always made baby steps towards my dream like writing for mustard tv (pero wala ako na-submit at all). it gave me momentary happy-ness kasi i know "ay malapit na ito!"

buti na lang the mustard tv scriptwriting is on hold until the next season, it got me thinking - papaano ung steps ko ba ito?

step 1: write scripts
2: know the production staff
3: befriend them
4: ask them to help me with the camera, editing, etc
5: make my own film

ok, na-stuck ako sa step 1.

kagabi after returning from bicol, i was suppose to finalize my report sa office. then an idea for a script struck me then i started writing (sorry, nawala na naman ako sa focus on the office report) then got sleepy and went home. i stopped by 711 and nagpalamig muna (kunwari bumili ng sabon pero hayun, tumambay muna ako dun kasi malamig). then i continued writing by hand. before i went out of the store i had a rough idea of the script.

then i thought of the people who can help me produce the script. i texted tita emma and today, i texted kevin.

and i texted tito allan, too - a person who can produce my play kasi alam ko he's one of the people who trusts my talent (and has the capacity to produce my script)

tita emma suggested we should seel the script so kelangan ko na matapos yung script soon.

i need composers - baka the relova family singers (mala-sound of music) can help with this area.

when you're pursuing your perosnal legend, the universe conspires for you to acquire it (not verbatim) - says the king from alchemist

just last thursday, dad asked me to contribute more financially. my head was storming with all parttime jobs i can engage in. pero dati pa naman ako nag-try nun, kaya nga wala akong parttime ngayon kasi i've tried almost every popular parttime there is - except exploring my one true love.

dead stars - there is this local short story we read in high school and this is always my excuse when people ask me why i don't do anything to shift to theater. "what if's" always swarm my mind kasi, maraming doubts.

kaya hindi ako successful sa mga parttime kasi hindi ko passion yun. kaya i haven't advanced in my current career kasi this is not me.

wala ng inggit when i see my college classmates excel in our industry kasi alam ko naman on the shift mode ako - and now i'm making that step 1, here's my revised plan

step 1: finish my script
2: collaborate with the relovas
3: sell my script (either sa LOJ or tita emma's contact)
4: direct my play

it's different with film kasi, hindi ko sya medium kaya instead going around the bush - heto na ako on my accomplishing step 1.

Puro na ako salita dati, ngayon I’m making the move.

Thank you, George for inspiring me. Thank you cg mates for the encouragement. Thank you sa mga dati pang naniniwala sa akin – tin, ana, friends. Heto na ako, watch me soar!

Thank you, Lord – the flame is still within me. You have prepared me, I am now ready to fully serve you with the entirety of my life. Not just a portion but with my whole day, 24/7.

clean fun

alcohol doesn't have its normal appeal anymore since i have converted into a non-smoker.

i firmly intend with the help of your grace, to do penance, to sin no more and to avoid whichever leads me to sin

the part "avoid whichever leads me to sin" is perfect explanation as to what is happening to me . conversion is tantamount to change of habit, change for the better.

of course - "with the help of Your grace" ay in-explain ni fr. jeff. it's just like saying "to err is human, to forgive is divine." without His grace, no one can ever forget, forgive or love unconditionally.

i love it

fr allan dichoso

i love fr allan - naunahan lang ako ng takot pero uber love ko sya.

he is very helpful to the newbies of LCG

and when i cannot sing anymore (dahil may manang na ayaw sa boses ko - manang, tang-toot, le-toot. i forgive you - i release you) he was willing to sing the parts na dapat aking part.

and today, pentecost sunday - today'smass was so solemn and a wonderful reminder of my potential, our potential since the gifts are already within us - we just need to USE it.

swimming with the butandings

last saturday, we were at donsol to see the whale sharks. ako pinaka-excited sa lahat, even the strangers with us on the boat commented i might scare the giants away kasi i was so excited.

baliktad nangyari, ako natakot (sa tubig. babalik na naman sa phobia sa tubig - michael, muntikan mo na ako malunod nung bata pa tayo, hayop ka - toot, toot, toot....release..i forgive you and i release your control over my life)

so sa first 2 sightings ay hindi ko nakita ang mga butandings. the 3rd one, kuya koel the guide held my hand and jp's so that this time, we'll see them.

it was breathtaking - the butanding was swimming towards us, slowly - so i was able to remind myself not to talk and choke thru the mouthpiece of the snorkle (again). then the sighting became larger and larger as it came nearer and nearer - i saw the entire being from its head to its tail, hay overwhelming sya.

kuya joel was pulling my hand pa rin - telling me to follow the butanding, sabi ko (while choking again) "ok na ako"

i was more than OK - i am perfect!

donsol here i come!

xoxo

the hulk

I have to find my inner zen kasi my BP’s shooting uuuup! Sobrang uuuupppp

Ah – uhm – I am transported to Caliraya bathing in the sun

Ah – uhm – I am at my happy place

Uhmmmmm

Uhmmmm

no gray area anymore - official the "madre de pamilya"

i was just assuming this post before because dad was gravely affected by the recession. he didn't asked for my help, i just offered it. stupid kasi i wasn't earning enough for myself.

today, he officially asked for my help - so heto na yun "baptism of fire"

sobrang galing ko siguro naatasan ako ni Lord of such a big repsonsibility - imagine looking after 3 more adults

this is HHHHHUUUUGE, kakalula

annoint me, Lord and equip me - i am scared but with Your Grace, chicken ito!

forgiveness

hindi mahirap magpatawad - gusto ko lang talaga mag-cling to the hurt para may excuse ako of doing something stupid.

today, as jenny advised - proclaim it and the motion will follow

i proclaim that i forgive you - no ifs, no commas.

please forgive me too.

with God's grace, all is forgiven - with God's grace, I decide to let you go.

venti size me

hayan, love ko kasi ambience ng starbucks kapag i have to do some report writings. eh kaso itong report ko na ito ay natagalan before i finished. so mga 2 months akong tambay sa starbucks

mala-upsize me docu ng mcdo

my own version - venti size me

i gained 10 lbs

so i-non fat na lahat ng pwede next time i visit - i still love the vanilla roiboiss (with non-fat milk na, noted!)

blood donor (again)

sobrang saya ko when i found out that talaga palang pwede mag-donate may tats! (ehem, myth buster ito!) last saturday morning kasi, mama sarah's tita rosario needed 15 bags of blood. so i inquired sa med city for our cg members. hayun, i was going through our groups questions when siningit ko yung akin "pano po yung may mga tattoo?" tada, pwede! lavet!

though before i got my tat, i already asked an - she said i can still donate (tho may doktor na nagsabi na bawal na daw)

ako kasi un - ung tipong nagdo-donate ng dugo sa red cross nung nasa IRRI pa ako. although may tats na ako at heto na ako now, ako pa rin yung taong willing mag-donate ng dugo on a regular basis.

hay what a relief! happy-ness

PS tita rosario's OK na rin at lumampas na rin daw sa donations kami, grabe! lavet!

Friday @ Saquijo

We all know how to detect our own passion -butterflies in our stomachs (ulcer-ish)

But how do you know someone else's?

The nguso

The pikit

The stance

Nung sabado, kakaiba si Kit - sya lang ung "pakita ng slight ang tyan"

idagdag pa natin - tirik ng mata (uber pero kung mala-Jay Aranguren mata mo - pwede)

I am officially smoke free

My relationships before were basically based on preference – I was a smoker and so I formed this immediate connection with smokers, too. I thought that this has helped me with my confidence issues – that I can approach people freely because of smoking.

Shit.

Now I have to start all over again. Or muster some strength from somewhere.

Setting aside that issue -

I proclaim that I am officially smoke free (damn straight, I'm proud of it!)