It was you all along

Once I was asked to come up with 3 non-negotiables, 3 things that I want my husband-to-be to have.  So mine is

1) practicing Catholic
2) has a dream / goal in life
3) would sing to me when I'm stressed

The last time I shared this list, I was laughed at by colleagues - such a weird list, they say. 

Today, I believe that the Lord has helped me with my realization that this list is inspired by a friend.  My friend who I want to spend the rest of my life with.

So today onwards I would prepare myself for the greatest chapter in my life - marriage to my best friend

From Ate with love

Sorry that you are feeling this way now - troubled about your present and what lies ahead.  But what I say is true - only when to you back home will you find peace.  We may not always know the solution but we will listen.  This is the same encounter I had a few years back when, just like you I was troubled with my plan.  So I pray peace for you

Resurrection

Today, a friend died.  How do you console yourself of resurrection when the pain is this much?

Day 29: Common Sense

Compliance requirements are written in order to standardize action but what will be a more general guiding principle is substance over form, as accountants are familiar with.  Regardless of what form or medium was used for as long as an action was actually done - kudos to the in-charge.  A guide question would be - if that form was not forwarded to so and so, will that disrupt company's operation?  Of course, it is different with the law compliance - no one has a choice on this.

Day 28: I Choose

When I am in Laguna - I wish I am in Batangas studying instead of watching movies with my mom.  Then the opposite happen when I choose to stay in Bats over the weekend. 

Crazy that I always want what I don't have.

But last weekend was different - it was time well spent with my loved ones.  I even get to visit relatives I haven't seen for a (long) while.
It's much easier and enjoyable that way - choosing to live for the now, mind not wandering off to another space.

Day 22

In the name of Christ who heals the brokenhearted. Amen

http://40daysforlife.com/docs/spring2013day22print.pdf

Day 23: Crossroads

It's that turning point again that I am to decide whether to continue my losing streak or start again and make it better-er this time.

I feel that I don't deserve to share anything because my example is imperfect.  I feel that I am know nothing of change because I go back to my old self every time I see a single improvement (or when people notices something).  Finally, I don't feel I deserve a second chance.

These raw emotions take the best of me and I let myself be pulled down to depression when I don't start early everyday or on Sundays - I'd be sucky and wouldn't start the day at all.  I'd try again the following day and there I am again - hating myself for not waking up early enough to start my day perfect.  Then it accumulates and I would have a negative, unhealthy idea of myself.  I would continue the losing streak with my day, being nervous about the day for not start it right, letting time just pass while I just worry about it.  I am moving, getting myself myself busy but aimless - moving into nothing.

Limitless

Why put a specific label on yourself when you can be everything you want to be? 

Monday - comic, Tuesday - director, Weds - novena commentator, Thurs - CG head, Fri - CIA adviser, Sat-Sun - driver to visit friends and family, everyday - excellent household manager (taga-laba, luto, plantsta)

Just don't forget that you may be only one thing today but once you have mastered that, go conquer another undiscovered liking

Life is too precious to only have a single contribution to the world

Day 17: You have so much promise, believe it

I am utterly grateful where I am now - a place where I can start afresh with no pangs of past failures.  Although I have improved tremendously, comparing myself with another leaves me depressed. 

I vow to love myself more and drop this destructive vice of comparison (until I can benchmark "professionally")

Day 16: Love More (or Less)

The heart is very tricky.  If you become a slave of your emotions, nothing will happen.  You will not get up in the morning because you don't FEEL like going to school, not study because you have to watch the TV series that you LOVE.

But the heart is not that all bad, you should have a balance and learn to control it, master it lest it controls you.

The time-of-the-month makes me all the more fickle.

Enjoy the trial and error

Day 15: Live in the now

Today, I regret about the wasted past and worry about the dreaded future.  A friend reminded me that I should be happy just where I am – this got me thinking that savouring the now makes me more open and aware of what’s happening around me, makes me act like a kid, eyes wide open for all surprises

 Supplies!

Day 9: What is Leadership?

Setting aside your own preference and letting each of your teammates shine.

Day 7: Genuine Gratitude

A change of scenery is what you need to appreciate your life more.  I am truly grateful for:

1)  My current job
2)  Our location in the province
3)  Cafeteria inside the office
4)  10-minute commute to & fro my dorm
5)  Cheap cost of living
6)  Vast career opportunities

I am seeing the world through the eyes of the mini-me :)

Day 6: Start Again with Day 1?

I am a builder by nature.  I want to perfect things starting from its foundation up.  And so when I feel that something goes wrong in the process, I let it be - I don't bother anymore then I start from scratch.  I remember a friend commented that when I was swimming the breast stroke, I was not covering any length!  I was literally staying put - super weird!  That's how I am with my not-so-perfect life

Day 3: My Love List (Spill Over from Yesterday)

1) Greet everybody
2) Positive thoughts about everybody
3) Simplify life

Day 2 (again): Good News

I got promoted :)

Day 2: Follow your heart

Close your eyes, breathe ... imagine your perfect world

Since day 1 is over, I am having this urge to go back to my old self.  But my old self cannot give me my future.

It's even Hearts' Day today :) 

Day 1: Remember your commitment

Recently, I have a commitment to love myself more - and for my family this would mean giving less for them.  I feel guilty most of the time and sometimes the feeling worsen when I hear my mom's pity monologue.  I hate myself for doing this to her that I always need to re-echo my resolution in my head.

Ingrate - I am ashamed to admit that I am every time I question my resolution and it all boils down to "if only I had more....I can provide more for myself and not worry about my family"

But I have been working for 10 years now and it is always not enough even my income is bigger now

adamant result of the law

it is hard for humans to understand how this world works especially who to shower with great fortune.  and when you see other people shine, you couldn't just imagine how anybody could allow this man to excel when he is heartless. 

the law is inanimate so it does not favor a humanitarian over a criminal - sucks but true

hot and cold

The "structured" me would love to have plans set out but the "artist" in me would change it at the last minute and an inner battle would occur everyday.  How to mediate between these 2 parts of me is always an ordeal because not one is greater than the other.  I am still learning about the appropriate mix of heart and mind formula.  How then to combine the ideas coming from my rational mind and the gut feel from my irrational heart.

pinned down by emotions

I remembered Gokou this morning and for the first time I cried, turns out I was suppressing the sadness.  He's our Jap Spitz who passed away last year.

Same is true with my mom - she is bedridden for 7 years now and whenever I pass by the hospital where she was operated, I would cry.

Change knocks you out of your balance and the negative emotion will justify why you're still there on the ground - still beaten after all these years. 

thou shall not budge

Make peace with everyone, make peace with yourself

Resolve want you really want and persevere to achieve it.  The Lord wants you to succeed, you are destined for greatness.  He believes in you, believe in yourself more.

my weakness is my strength

I have been having doubts over the weekend about my abilities to push through my goals and so I did nothing.  Done nothing and achieved nothing - and in nothing shall I hide my emptiness.  I know what I want and I know the solution, it is this emotion that makes me "feel" fear, self doubt and weariness.  I want to feel nothing, be focused and in control of my life - stop wandering behind someone's expectation, a shadow.

I will make the first step but please guide me to be consistent